Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
