if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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