OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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