I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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