I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
