I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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