You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
pray to the hookup gods
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
