Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
