It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
