from now on my penis is your penis
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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