My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
