Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
