First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
