why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
