I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
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GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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