I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
In America we eat man semen.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
