i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
