I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
