Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
