I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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