"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
