Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
