i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
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Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
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you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea