If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
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It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it