why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
