Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?