Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.

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  (817): don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do. http://tfl.nu/i2co
  Replies (20) Good night (1092) Bad night (1894)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster

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  (905): the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster http://tfl.nu/r7o9
  Replies (3) Good night (814) Bad night (3836)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him

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  (513): He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him http://tfl.nu/bwdr
  Replies (21) Good night (6750) Bad night (1786)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach

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  (506): Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach http://tfl.nu/g758
  Replies (14) Good night (904) Bad night (6927)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.

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  (860): Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success. http://tfl.nu/qxy1
  Replies (8) Good night (3465) Bad night (827)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.

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  (202): There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again. http://tfl.nu/5erg
  Replies (18) Good night (2779) Bad night (757)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.

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  (575): You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/h3k6
  Replies (13) Good night (1868) Bad night (706)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!

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  (720): The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED. (1-720): OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby! http://tfl.nu/5dg1
  Replies (2) Good night (1468) Bad night (576)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears

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  (416): I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears http://tfl.nu/wgjj
  Replies (15) Good night (912) Bad night (1690)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.

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  (434): It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually. http://tfl.nu/a0fb
  Replies (2) Good night (603) Bad night (361)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?

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  (401): Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer? http://tfl.nu/x506
  Replies (0) Good night (520) Bad night (839)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.

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  (904): Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place. http://tfl.nu/0o2l
  Replies (2) Good night (548) Bad night (315)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.

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  (469): I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray. http://tfl.nu/wtqa
  Replies (2) Good night (795) Bad night (266)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.

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  (507): I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer. http://tfl.nu/rx9x
  Replies (3) Good night (696) Bad night (384)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero

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  (914): I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero http://tfl.nu/isds
  Replies (0) Good night (802) Bad night (284)

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