very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
