Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class

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(717): I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class http://tfl.nu/9lx5

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.

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(403): I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness. http://tfl.nu/0zt1

Replies (8) Good night (855) Bad night (2019)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.

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(617): Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas. http://tfl.nu/4pw4

Replies (18) Good night (4747) Bad night (648)
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(407): View more from Florida

cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.

(1-407): View more from Florida

the diet of an alcoholic...

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(407): cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks. (1-407): the diet of an alcoholic... http://tfl.nu/3a7v

Replies (15) Good night (4289) Bad night (772)
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(636): View more from Missouri

Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?

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(636): Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later? http://tfl.nu/o4ww

Replies (19) Good night (1330) Bad night (4773)
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(714): View more from California

walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined

(714): View more from California

he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day

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(714): walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined (714): he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day http://tfl.nu/76ot

Replies (44) Good night (5070) Bad night (8779)
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(512): View more from Texas

and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through

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(512): and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through http://tfl.nu/6tx9

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(315): View more from New York

You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning

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(315): You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning http://tfl.nu/dkck

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(859): View more from Kentucky

That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.

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(859): That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka. http://tfl.nu/6iko

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!

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(781): I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!! http://tfl.nu/j0eq

Replies (7) Good night (1821) Bad night (685)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.

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(701): Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically. http://tfl.nu/syut

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.

(1+44): View more from

Doesn't she keep a spare?

(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.

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(+44): You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys. (1+44): Doesn't she keep a spare? (+44): Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans. http://tfl.nu/5sic

Replies (7) Good night (3023) Bad night (1342)
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(907): View more from Alaska

I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.

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(907): I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer. http://tfl.nu/7eiw

Replies (8) Good night (1332) Bad night (628)
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(847): View more from Illinois

They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs

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(847): They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs http://tfl.nu/t67m

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(586): View more from Michigan

ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....

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(586): ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup.... http://tfl.nu/iec2

Replies (2) Good night (468) Bad night (219)

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