dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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