I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
