I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
