Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
