dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
