she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
