I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
