I think my fart just growled at me.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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