Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
