apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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