It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Randomize
