Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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