I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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