I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This is my gift to your gina
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
