this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Everything about him screamed your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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