She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
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Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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