I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
