Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
40s are totally the cure
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
