You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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