So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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