let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
