i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
