Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
not ubering you a puppy
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
