I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
