the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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