i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
