Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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