We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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