I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Found the puke drawer
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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