he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm really busy with my period
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