Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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