Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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