whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
