Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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