maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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