My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
