There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
