I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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