White coat. Heels.
I wish my penis had an off switch
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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