I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
