you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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