well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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