I wish my penis had an off switch
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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