I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
